cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas
me: you said i got one phone call
He shot his arrow… IN MIDAIR
THROUGH THEIR CROTCH
THE ODDS ARE IN HIS FAVOR
This is just what I think I do.
"Man humans are lame why don’t we have like wings/horns/etc"
Humans can’t even handle having different skin colors how well do you really think that would go
#basically the plot of x-men
#literally the plot of x-men
back the fuck up
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
all can see is this
Lets just take a moment to appreciate the way New Zealand sells beer.
I feel like this basically summarises our culture.
The Sound of Music (1965)
tumblr fucked me up so bad i kept expecting something ridiculous to happen at the end like a still of her telling the kids to go fuck themselves smh
imagine a video game where you create a hero whose destiny is to save everyone, but throughout the game you start making harder and more questionable decisions, and the game gets darker and darker. and in the end you’re just standing there, clutching the controller and finally realizing you were playing the villain all along
I WANT THIS GAME!
WHY HAVENT THEY MADE THIS YET